Sad Drabble

Tue, 05 Mar 2013 14:14:55 -0500

I did the same thing everyday. Most people didn’t understand it, but I went to see her everyday. Everyday I gave her a daisy. They were her favourite, she always said that roses were to overexposed. Everyday I sat with her under our willow tree. Everyday I talked to her. And this day was no different.
“Hey,” I greeted her. “Mom told me she thought I was depressed today. Which, I guess could be true, but I don’t feel depressed. But then again, I don’t feel very happy either. I was just sitting in my room reading Looking For Alaska, you know, the one you gave me the day we met. I was just at the part where they figure it out and she comes bursting in telling me I needed to get out side or do my homework at least. I didn’t argue with her today though. I didn’t fight back. I just looked at her. She almost didn’t let me come today, but I told her that she wanted me to get out side, and this is outside.
“She doesn’t want me to see you anymore, love. She wants to keep me away from you. I don’t know what I’d do if I couldn’t see you. I think /then/ I’d go crazy. Most people think I am now anyway. The shrink thinks I am too, I think. He always writes down little comments in his notepad when ever I talk to him. Haha yeah, I’ve started to talk to him now. Mom said that she would take me to him weather I talked or not, buy anyway, he writes down all kinds if things and he won’t let me see them. I ask all the time, but every time he says no. I don’t know why though, ya know? I mean if he’s supposed to help me, and be nice and shit, I don’t know why I can’t see what he writes down. Pardon my French, love. I know you hate it when I cuss.
“But anyway, I don’t think I’m going to school tomorrow. It’s all just getting to much. The other kids just look at me funny, not that it’s a new thing, but before you left, at least I had you, now instead of just looks, they’re talking about me. I see ‘em. They look back at me and then Turn to their friends and laugh. I used to be able to brush it off, but its getting harder and harder. I don’t know if I can do it anymore, ya know?” I sigh and continued: ” I just miss the way you’d see something like that and start making fun of them for me. Like I get you can’t anymore ‘cause you’re not there, but it just helped a lot.
“Mom also found my razor yesterday. She gave me this big long lecture about how it wouldn’t help anything but she doesn’t get it, it does. It makes me feel better and that’s all I want, is to feel better. I thought that’s what she wanted too. Some days I don’t do it, but then some days it just gets to be to much and I have too. I know what you told me. I do, I remember, I promise I do, but its harder now.
“But I don’t want to have this conversation. At least not today. It’s the 29th. Our anniversary, I bought a cake and everything!” I laughed as I pulled the dessert out if the bag I had brought with me, along with plates, plastic forks and a knife. “It’s strawberry, pink icing too! I know it’s your favourite.” I said as I cut her and myself a piece of the fancy Dairy Queen confection.
“I still remember it like it was yesterday, as cheesy as that sounds. We were at Barnes and Noble. In the Realistic Fiction section. We were just out from school for the summer . I’d seen you before at school, thought you were super cute, but I never talked to you. Anyway, you were getting the latest John Green book and I was just looking and I picked up Looking For Alaska and you came up behind me and told me I needed to buy it if I wanted to have a good life, and then I told you that I didn’t have any money and you bought it for me-along with a pumpkin latte, because again, they were necessary for life. You wrote your number in the cover and told me to call you when I finished it. And I did. And during that phone call you asked me out. Haha I was all to excited to go.” And then I heard my phone beep, indicating I had a text. I opened it and instantly regretted it. It was from my dad, I haven’t seen him in about three months. He left mom after I’d “lost it”. It read: “I came all this way to see your crazy ass. Get to the house now.” I sighed. I didn’t want to leave, but I knew if I stayed, I’d be in more trouble with him than I was already for going to see her.
“I’ve gotta go, love. Dad’s come to visit.” I sighed again, gathered up the things I’d brought with me and kissed her gravestone and walked out of the cemetery to face the world that shunned me.

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Sad Drabble